New Safety Devices

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that. More Here...

What Do Retired People Do For Fun?

What do retired people do all day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a police officer writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him something worse.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I don't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

Digging Holes

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

Ever Wonder Why?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner,
then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum
one more chance?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch
something that's falling off the table
you always manage to knock something else over?